what does that really mean?

When I was a kid, I have never really understood the real purpose of Islam's fiqh i.e the prayers, the fasting, Al-Quran recitation, wearing hijab and what not. I knew that these are the things that God has directed us to do. But really, I often wonder what good can we make out of it? Are everything that we have to do merely intended to please God and that's it? Deep down, somewhere in my heart, I knew there's a lot more to it which I am yet to figure out.

What does it really mean when people say prayers will put you at peace? I have never really understood why my mum kept bugging me to go for Tarawikh prayers when i used to spend Ramadhan in my hometown. She even scolded me if I stopped at the 8th rakaat, and would then forced me to stay until the 20th. At that time, I remember thinking, "Isn't Islam about doing something sincerely for God and not because someone is being forced to?" 

But now it hits me. Maybe you won't feel at ease directly when you pray. It's when you don't pray that you would feel something is missing in your daily life. Something is not being done. And as I grew up and often being away from my family, tarawikh has become something I am used to do. You will eventually build the feeling of huge loss when you miss even one night without it.

Quran recitation - this one especially that kept me asking what's the benefit behind it other than gaining rewards from God for every word we recite. Somebody told me, from Ustaz Jamaluddin:

"Bacalah, kerana Al-Quran itulah yang telah melenturkan hati Umar al-Khattab r.a satu ketika dahulu. moga ia juga dapat melenturkan hati kita. Maka bacalah.."

Now THAT is something. Have you ever tried reciting Quran in the morning and later in the day wanting to do something sinful? Well to me that's what reading Quran gets me to. It just feel so contradicting if you do good for one thing and bad for another. and sometimes just simply listen to people reciting Quran especially the beautiful ones that you can easily search for in the Youtube, makes you fear for God even more. For me, I enjoy just laying down near to my mum after her prayers, when she recites Quran ;)

Also, I have been wearing hijab since I was 8 years-old. Though I have been consistent with wearing hijab, there were times and situations where I took it quite lightly. I don't wear them when I am traveling in a car, until I actually reach my destination. There was one night when I wanted to go for a drive-through at a McDonald. When I wanted to leave home, I thought to myself "It's fine if I don't wear my scarf. It's in the middle of the night and noone's probably gonna see me". I was right about having noone seeing me except for the female McD workers. but I was wrong about it being fine. It wasn't fine and it felt wrong. That's when I realized, that the intention to cover your head must come from within and not anywhere else because if it doesn't, you probably won't stick to the practice for long.

When you are trained to do something, you probably won't see the benefit until the time comes when you are given the choice not to obliged to it. That's when you realize that getting used to something is just a beginning towards comprehending the real meaning of it. And once you have reached there, just thank God that He has finally opened your heart, and just pray to him that he won't take that away from you ever again. And even when you feel like you still don't get it and are still searching for the answer, you just need to trust in God a little bit more and just believe that He will finally give it to you. 
Someday, somehow.

Conversation

Having a conversation with a friend is sometimes the thing I need the most when I ponder about life matters. Looking for an answer is one thing, and to hear a different point of view is another. A meaningful conversation is something I truly value, and it does not have to be an hour over the phone, or over a cup of coffee. It can just be along the way back home together from a nearby store.

I search for a friend to have a conversation with, especially when I'm feeling down. Words of encouragement are usually mere words that we already know, but hearing it from somebody else gives some sense of assurance, support and attention which makes it all better.

I find it funny as well that sometimes it's not an ear that I would like to lend from someone. But rather a company to be just right beside me and withstand all my possible frustrated gestures. There was one not-so-fine day where I felt as if I almost failed in everything, when my friend offered me a car ride. That drive to nowhere, chasing after sunset was surprisingly the one thing I could really use at that moment. Just that ride. Speed and silence.

Also, I find that at times, having a conversation with a random barista while grabbing my daily coffee is better than with a close friend. Like it or not, friends who know ourselves too much, judge us too much. Even though that is perfectly normal, to have the purest view over something, it is sometimes best to leave it to a stranger. 

Wearing a hijab - an honest view

 I came across a video made by a vlogger. She looked like a Malaysian but from the sound of the seasoned accent, I am pretty sure she was brought up abroad  She was talking about how she is dissappointed by the fact that nowadays, wearing a hijab is no more something people look up upon. Tudung wearers don't actually live up to the real meaning of covering their precious 'aurat'. They wear tudung but with a tight outfit. Hijab is about modesty but they put a massive amount of make-up on the face and they don't act modestly in terms of speaking, laughing etc. Hijab should be about Muslims' identity but we can't differentiate now whether those who still show a part of their hair, are non-Musims who just 'covering' their hair from the sun, or they are Muslims who don't know how to wear one.

Every single thing that she pointed out was true and i could not agree more. Being a tudung wearer myself, I am far from the sisters who cover their aurat perfectly. I have always wanted to talk about Hijab and it happens to be the number 1 topic that came up especially between me and my non-Muslim friends. All sorts of questions were thrown at me. Why do Muslims have to wear one? Why do some Muslims don't? Since when did you wear hijab? Don't you feel hot when you wear it? How come some people pray but they don't wear a hijab? and how come others do wear hijab but they don't pray? and trust me, there are actually a lot more.

I am glad to know that they are interested in knowing more about Islam and the hidden agenda behind wearing a hijab. When people asked me why do I cover my hair, two things came across my mind. Firstly, is because I am brought up this way. I won't simply call my family as a conservative one, but as far as I am concerned, mine is comparatively more particular about the do's and dont's in Islam. I first started covering my head when I was in standard 2. I remember the reason why I said yes when my parents asked me to was simply because all my other friends started to wear it. Apparently, following fashion trend and peer pressure can actually be a good thing ;)

The second reason is because wearing a hijab restrains me from doing a lot of bad things that I want to do if I otherwise don't wear one. I have to face the fact that in being a teenager in this modernized era, drinking, clubbing have became part of a daily routine. Let alone the fact that prayers and taking care of halal and haram food are being neglected. These kind of unhealthy  influences surround me almost every single day. And no, I am not talking just about the non-Muslims. This is not me, judging my circle of friends, nor me, justifying why am I not wearing hijab as how I'm supposed to. This is me, talking about an issue that even me myself am struggling to be better at.

In wearing hijab, I find a lot pros. Even those that I sometimes need someone else to remind me about. Cz we, at times don't see those simple simple things that came with it. One example comes back to the role of hijab as a Muslim's identity. This applies especially when you stay/live outside Malaysia. I've been here in Sydney for almost 2 and a half years now but I never failed to notice this : every single time I see another tudung wearer like I am, regardless of their nationality, an instant willingness to nod and smile always appears. I am pretty sure it is because nothing more than just a sense of ease you feel to see a person who share the same believes as you do.

I am now at a point where I know I should be improving myself. I know I wear not as appropriate as Islam suggests me too. I know the only reason of you protecting your aurat is solely because of the Lord, or at least, should be the first thing first. And I have no right to justify myself and giving excuses. Hijab is not just about covering but rather, more about having your mind and heart comprehending how it supposed to guide you in living your life. I have some free-haired friends that earned higher respect from myself than those who cover their hair. That is to prove that sometimes we shall never judge people by appearances and perceptions. Talk less about how bad people are but instead pray more that Lord will always lead us to the right path and perhaps bring them back to where they should be. After all, we are never too sure that we are better than anybody else,.. or actually a lot more worse.

Cheers.

Circles

We face life everyday and find ourselves people that we love to talk to, to have coffee with, and people that we would love to spend our time with. Friends. That's what we call them.

Fitting into a circle had been a struggling part of most of my life phases. Found it hard to get along in a conversation, or even worse, to start one. I was totally an opposite of my brother who has always been a social person since the day he knew how to speak. He just knows every single person in my hometown and everyone happens to know him. Even an Indian driver he knew from God-knows-where would pass by our house and greet him from far. Visiting our cousins' house would be an enjoyful moment for him, but not for me. I rather sit in my corner and be near to my dad than being around them.

High school was not really a fun playground for me at the beginning when it comes to social life either. For the first 4 months in my boarding school I could not find myself even a single good friend. Especially for females, that was beyond pathetic. Confidence back then was the littlest thing that I possesed. Typical high school story indeed. Now that I think about it, it was noone's fault except for my own. It was a fool of me to have expected people would just open up their arms to new people as friends. That's when I realized, that fitting in takes effort.

Now that I have chosen to get involved with clubs and the community at Uni level, being a social butterfly is no more a necessity, but rather a needing skill. I really tried to overcome those fear of being rejected, fear of being misunderstood about, fear of people in general. It was hard at first, but I also knew that these could really be a great obstacle for me to do things that I wish to do later in life. I gained courage from somewhere I didn't even know myself. All I know is that I am much more comfortable to put myself out there than I used to be years ago. And this is by judging not from the number of people/friends I know, but more from the inner feeling that only myself can tell.

Always know how to bring yourself around. That's what I learned. Different group of people think differently and thus, act, say and expect different things from you. Satisfy, or at least, respect them. Even if that means by not being yourself. Maybe you wanna point out about hipocracy. But I say, that is definitely not the case. It doesn't mean you have to totally change who you are. You just need to know your limits. Never be too matured. Never be too immatured. Never be too serious. Never joke too much. That sort of things. It's always about your willingness to give and take. And sometimes, things like these can't really be well explained by words. It's better off learned by experience.

At some point, a great thing to discover is that it was never that difficult to be a friend to others. If you are sincere with what you do, people can see it right through and without you even noticing it, they will always come back for you. You don't have to try too hard to impress people. Neither to try to be accepted nor to fake anything. It came all naturally if you be nice to people and treat them well. Thus, talking from the other side of the view, we must never make it too hard for people to break in the circle. Noone's perfect and people have their flaws. So long as they don't go by the extreme, just be fair. We could never know people too well to judge them too much. Just remember how hard it was for you as well.

I thank God that I have great friends that I can turn to. They're the ones that make you laugh and they can also be the exact same one who make you cry. And that, is the one thing you must learn to tolerate about friendship.

change

"people change for two reasons:
they've learned enough that they want to,
or they've been hurt enough that they have to"

- a good friend of mine







p/s: iwishiwassomebodyelse

noises

Once, I was told to just follow my heart. doing things I wish to do, and not being afraid to be different. of course, not a bad kind of different. a good one. And that's what actually I believe in. So long as you know your boundaries, why care about what others might say? Cz what i can understand is that, the others can't accept the difference you bring, because they are too used to ordinaries.

Regardless of how right you feel about something, if others tell you the other thing, u'll tend to conform. I,... will tend to conform. and then only it occurs to me that if you are different, eventually the noises you heard from others about urself will take away the confidence you thought u have, bit by bit. unless you have a real hard head, you won't enjoy being a distinct invidual anymore.

All I am trying to say is that, if people disagree with you and tell you you should do things the other way, would you just play safe n conform, or would you just proceed with your business, hoping someday they would understand once they themselves be in your shoes.
after all, you can never satisfy everybody no matter how you wish you could.

should I, or shouldn't I ?

u know, more often than not, we do things that we know how truly wrong they are, but just do it anyway. talking in the same manner, we do nothing about something, dat we really need to do.
i mean, dat typical 'shud i or shudn't i' moments.

it is like u know ur closet can't seem to fit in for anymore stuff, n u hav a tight budget, but u still buy dat expensive dress u claim to be the one u have been wanting for.

it is like u know how important for u to watch after ur health, n cut on those cholesterol n fats, but u just continue ordering for those disgusting n extremely oily fried chicken anyway.

it is like u know dat the due is soon enough to be worried about, n everybody is already at their halfway in finishing those assigned projects, but u just let time passes by n get started only after noticing how huge the marks dat they weigh.

it is like u know u shud not include dat extra smiley at the end of the sentence, cz his reply later won't feel dat friendly after all. n dat cheesy message? u know it's a big no no. but u just send em regardless.


familiar huhh. often we are asked, "why wud u do that?". the answer dat wud most likely be given, "dunno. just can't help it". it is because in those things u have been doing, realise it or not, u feel some unexplained sense of happiness n u can actually do things any way differently but u don't. a good friend of mine once said, "stupidity is happiness". indeed.
cz we, humans are just plain stubborn.

Maal Hijrah - a delayed post

Maal Hijrah tiba lagi. apa yg nak dihijrahkan lagi di tahun baru nie? bila ingt2 balik, dah berapa kali dlm jangka hayat kita berkesempatan meraikannya. tp berapa bnyak kali sebenarnya kita betul2 berhijrah ke arah yg lebih baik?

HARTA
Bila kita ada rumah, dah cukup bersyukur. tambah2 yg ada rumah tersergam indah, alhamdulillah sgt. tapi dalam kita galak menjemput saudara mara, rakan sahabat dtg ke rumah, jgn kita lupa rumah kita yg lagi satu tu. iaitu rumah ALLAH yg sepatutnya, kita jaga & syg jauh lebih bnyak dr rumah sndr. sayangi rumah Allah bermakna pertama-tamanya, adalah dgn mgimarahkannya. kemudian, mestilah jaga dgn sebaik-baiknya dari kebersihan dan keceriaan. kalau rumah kita buruk, papa, tak kesahlah apa org nk kata. yg penting rumah Allah yg menjadi tanggungjawab kita tu terjaga.
seperkara lagi, harta kita yg ada. realitinya, segala barang kemas & duit yg beratus ribu dlm akaun bank tu belum tentu kita punya. barang kemas bila dipakai mungkin akan dicuri. sama jugak mcm duit. esok lusa mungkin kita berhadapan dgn saman sampai beratus ribu ringgit. tapi yg dah confirmed milik kita hanyalah sedekah jariah kita. pahala yg kita dapat dah sah2 milik kita. dgn izin ALLAH s.w.t.

KAWAN
orang kata kalau berkawan dgn tukang jual besi, bahangnya pasti akan kita rasa. dan kalau berkawan dgn tukang jual minyak wangi, kita juga akan tumpang bau harumnya. lumrah manusia. kita akan terpengaruh. sama ada dgn senang atau susah. so, kita kenalah pandai bwk diri. dan bijak memilih kawan.
Sabda Rasulullah s.a.w:
"tengoklah siapa jiran kamu sebelum kamu memilih rumah tempat tinggal kamu"
tapi kita lain. tgk rumah yg berkenan dulu. jiran tu nanti2 lah difikirkan. ngam x ngam belakang cerita. kalau sampai ke sudah x ngam, sebab tu lah kawasan kejiranan x harmoni.

DUNIA SEBAGAI HIASAN
Syaitan mmg x henti2 menghasut fikiran manusia. mereka akan menghiasi hal dunia dan memburukkan hal akhirat. contohnya, di waktu2 maghrib, walaupun dah azan, ramai yg ke pasar malam. tidak pulak ke surau/masjid. sbb di mata kita nie, pasar malam tu nmpak lagi hebat & menyeronokkan. lagi satu, mereka suka menghiasi waktu2 haram, dan memburukkan waktu2 halal. contoh, sebelum & selepas kahwin. sebelum kahwin, sanggup habis beratus-ratus kredit n bergayut tiap2 hari. kalau boleh, hari2 nak jumpa. kalau xda apa2 yg nk disembangkan pun, memang akan diusahakan utk cari topik. kuku org sebelah pun bolah jadi bahan. tapi kalau dah kahwin, susah nk communicate. kalau bwk kereta balik kampung tu, boleh kira berape kali bukak mulut.

DUNIA SEBELUM AKHIRAT
Jarang2 kita nk fikirkan psl akhirat sedangkan kita xtahu berapa lama tempoh yg Tuhan beri untuk hidup di dunia nie. teruk sungguh orang yg x ingat matinya akan tiba. tapi teruk lagi orang yg selalu sedar, tapi x buat apa2. selalu nak menafikan. "aahh lama lagi aku nak mati. sempat lagi bertaubat". dan selalu kita fikirkan, "eii sempitnya rumah aku nie. nk besarkan lah". tapi jarang pulak kita ingat betapa sempitnya kita di kubur nanti. selain drpd tu, selalu tak kita perasan? masjid dkat rumah kita tu besar. memang besar. tapi pengunjungnya? haihh. kdg2 bnyak lagi tiang dari orangnya.


p/s: bukan niat untuk menunjuk-nunjuk ilmu yg ada. hanya untuk peringatan bersama :)

my oink oink!

to my dearest and favourite person on earth,

HA HA happy birthday oink oink!!
on this very special day of urs, i'd like to thank you for EVERYTHING. terima kasih sebab:

1. selalu bwk balik easyway utk i eventho x dipesan
2. temankan i pegi class eventho u xphm sepatah haram ape lecturer i tu bebel
3. selalu amikkan laundry yg i sengaje tinggalkan so that u boleh
exercise sket turun naik tangga :)
4. lepas tu siap tlg lipatkan
5. jage i mase i teruk kena serang dgn bedbugs dulu
6. and mse i demam jugak
7. selalu keringkan rambut i and letak mosturizer sume cukup
8. dodoikan ble i xbuley tido
9. datang support i mase running for MSO eventho u dgn si momon gemok tu lah org yg paling xsuka i selalu dgn my MSO
9. basuhkan bekas makanan i after sahur
10. tlg "aiipp" kan dekat momon ble die buat hal
11. buatkan note gud luck everytime i ade test/exam
11. ...
12. ...
13. ...


123. and last but not least, for being the most awesome buddy anyone cud ever have!




p/s: yg in between tu bnyak sgt xlarat nk pikir n tulis.

God bless you bababeee~

results

I got a WD for Business and The Law. I swear I almost choked up after finding out what's a WD actually mean.
"the student did not complete one or more component of the course and the result is yet to be finalised"

I called the business school right after, n they told me to wait for a few days. ok fine. i waited, n next thing i know, it's been 2 weeks. I called them again n i was told to contact the lecturer incharged, Miss Leela. ok. did that. n thennn i was told to contact another lecturer Mr Bill Butcher since Miss Leela is out of office.

N here starts the emailing thread between me and Bill. I told him how i was confused with the result displayed because frankly speaking, i was confident that i did not screw up in anything. I told him hw i was worried for not being able to enroll for my other intended LEGT subjects. Luckily, this particular lecturer responded to me *snap. like that. he said he would be looking into this matter.

He then got back to me saying that i did not seem to hand in my first assignment and i did not fulfill the attendance as required. TEFAK! I even know my marks for that assignment. how could i possibly not hand in the task?? And regarding the attendance, i assured him that i NEVER skipped my tute classes. Of course. It was my favourite subject for God's sake. and i even did ask him to refer the matter to my tutor who happened to be my favourite tutor as well. (she has a little son who is soo adorable my Goddd i wanna kick dat little cute ass). ok back to business.

n yesss, all i was thinking at that very moment was, "oh noooooo don't say i hav to repeat dis subject once again".

after a lot of responds given by and to Bill for a few days, jusst this morning, he told me the good news. that my tutor has confirmed that i DID hand in my assignment, and DID attend all the tute classes. fuuhhhh!!! soo relieved. soo happy. I'm so glad that Bill had been very helpful in helping me dealing with dis. he was very concerned, he took it seriously and he took a prompt action towards this. and i cannot be more thankful to him. he even appologised to me for havin to bare a worrying wait because of some mistakes in the system.



and im just done with my enrollment. i kinda like my new timetable. teeheeee~

sight

i dunno bout you. bt i often observe things dat are happening around me, and make assumptions, reasonings and imaginations out of it.

it was a normal day when i waited for the 372 bus dat goes from city, back to my place in malaysiia hall when i suddenly saw a couple of oldies,.. standing not so distant from myself. the husband kept on looking at a note on his hand. perhaps he jotted down the number of bus they shud be taking. maybe m just being paranoid or sumtin but i hate it evrytime i see that kind of scenes. u knoww.. old people. looking messy. helpless. trying hard to travel from one place to another.

maybe that was just me. bt try looking at a different case. have you ever come across a street or a mall where the cleaner is a tired-looking old man/lady? i bet u hav. i bet $100 bugs for dat!
it feels soo wrong. at dat very age, they shudnt be like dat. by dat time, they shud be happily staying at home, playing with their grandchildren, gardening, do the stuff they really enjoy doing. bt cleaning a garbage site?? that is so sick to look at. SICK!

right there n there, i swear to myself dat there's no way my parents wud go through such thing like that. n i pray to God i wud never be like those kinds of children who just give hundreds of excuses.
"u dont understand, they're so hard to look after"
"we're busy. we just dont hav the time"
"they dont wanna listen to us. what else cud we possibly do?'

yeah right. how else do u think ur parents took care of u? it is as exact hard as how u think of looking after em. n i still pray though. that i would never forget what i write today.

itinerary

sunday, 31st October 2010 - intended itinerary

8.30 am : rise n shine

8.45 am : breakfast

10.30 am : go to uni's library

5.00 pm : back from library

sunday, 31st October 2010 - 'what-actually-happened' itinerary

9.45 am : rise n shine

10.00 am : breakfast

10.30 am : acoustic karok session with raja

1.30 : session finished

2.30 : blogging

bravo. (=.=')

when the going gets tough

there were a lot of moments where i wud write almost 3 paragraphs of a post, n discarded evrythin, believing dat it wudnt be necessary to share a perticular feeling. until 2 minutes ago, i wasnt too sure either. bt at dis exact point of time i'm thinking,
"to hell! dis is what i feel n dis is the truth."

it's been a tough week. a real tough week. i was appointed as a VP. as awesome as dat sounds, there is more to it. much more than i ever expected to discover. it took me a whole lot of courage to take dis one step of running to be someone more important in a particular community. inspired, motivated, n supported with much love from friends n colleagues, i did it. i got it. dat was fine.

but once ure on the top, there would be, (and must be) those who hate to see ure reaching there. they wish u wud rather fall n hav ur face right down on the floor. who just simply dont care. and also there are those who question things. saying how u don't deserve it n what not.
n it gave me a smack on the back of my head to see who really do care to gve a hug to show hw proud they are. who wud willing to, even for once, put themselves relatively below n looked up upon u. nothing less than from a friend to friend.

u know hw often i like to mention about learning? dis is definitely another thing. i learn to better appreciate people around me who really wud be there to whisper to my ear, saying dat things wud just turn out to be fine. who wud tell me to be strong and wud listen to my side of story.
after all, that is the side that they will always be at. n i thank God for dat.

getting out of track just by a little too much, it gets me thinking dat in life, to know how to be good to people, you got to learn to respect n appreciate people.
no matter how much u dislike a person, have some decency n at least pay a little respect.
especially when they gve u no reason not to be respected. a person who doesnt wish to seriously listen to what people say, doesnt mean he/she does not listen at all.

knowing ur limit and to understand how people wud feel when they are mistreated, does not make you any less stronger. n saying how u wish u wud be forgiven, does not put your pride any less lower. people make mistakes. intentionally or not. bt what u do to amend those which counts more. for me, knowing how guilty someone is after crossing a line gives me enough reason to forgive. bt if egois comes into play not even to say sorry, but to feel guilty about it, i cant say much. just shame on you.

judging

there is absolutely nothing wrong about your choice to want to judge people. especially if u intend to just keep it to urself n do nothing about it n as long as it doesnt bring any harm. but i just personally think no matter how hard or how often you hold an impression towards people, you should at least, try to understand them.

n i really think u should also at least try to get to know someone before accusing them of anything.
if u dislike a person due to one particular reason, then try to find some other reasons to love them. u can, u just don't want to. u are not a perfect person urself which further gives you no reason at all to put a wall between u n them.

n if u choose a certain way to live ur life, don't act surprise or justify urself too much when some people chose the other. just because people may not think the way u do, they are to be blamed?
it is sad of you to believe such way. SAD.

bottom line :
WHY FOCUS ON NEGATIVITY?

self

being the way you want to be is quite a task.

cz others sumtimes just don't approve.

for such reason, a weirdo comes to existance.

and how now?

ur way or their way?



"don't try to perfect urself. let them love ur imperfections"

lost

if roses are meant to be red.

and violets to be blue.

then why isn't my heart.

meant for you?



-anouk-

kapak

blogger : babe, do u know dat song by awie?? it goes like... nananana.. nanan nanan nanaa...

roomie : uuu uuu !! i know dat song. bt i dunno the title. wait go utube.

*a moment later

roomie : is it dis one??

blogger : haaaa!!! yup2 u got it. five!




yes, i am currently addicted to 'kapak' songs. from awie, slam, handy black to saleem n everythin in between. i mean, those are really really 'kapak' songs. i didnt know my addiction is dat severe until one night.



roomie : babe, hav u been listening to dat awie song over n over again?

blogger : o dgr ea?

roomie : ure using ur earphone bt ure singing along. so, duuhhh..

blogger : o well heeee.. sorry cant help it.


(^_^)

past

him : you n the things you do,.. never fail to amaze me. there were and still are times when i was confused with some things u did n said. bt evrything dat had happened, was history.


her : forgive me for evrything. bt there's one thing i wud love u to do.
Just dont forget about us.




things in life come n go. so do people. somehow u wish good things to stay where they are, bt God knows why they wont. u may have given ur best. u do the right things. n u do all things possibly right. too bad it always take both ways. not mere one.
n after all have became part of ur past, all u cn afford to do is to look back n smile at those.
there is nothing u shud regret about. it is just a matter of time where u will be thankful that what had happened just happened in that certain way.
if u stick urself in those memories, hoping for it to come another round, how wud u possibly discover new ones?
in future, u wud probably be suprised of what life cn offer u with.
n perhaps if u cud just draw urself back for a little while n think about in a whole new point of view, u might have given a smack on ur head as u realize ur life is currently freaking awesome.
"then why wait for the future?"
just live life.
cz no matter how shitty shit things cn be, evrything wud turn out to be just fine.

words

words are easily thrown to people. when we make comments, when we speak up regarding a matter n even when we intended to be funny. but words can go so wrong that cost people their day. 'when words are sharper than swords', thats when people will remember u for what u've said. n there's no turning back.
sometimes its not even about what u said, its more of HOW u said it. now this is the one that i found really hurtful. whenever the sound of it replays in the back of my mind, it hurts even more.

watch ur words. it is easy to say but never is to be done. because we cant always afford to think beforehand. we like to do it the other way around. to those who the words are meant to, they accept it this way- it doesnt matter whether u intend to say those or not. once u say it, dat means it is at least in ur unconscious mind. n when those are in the unconscious mind, it's just a matter of time until it will be thrown out using the voice. in a simplified version, the fact that u think about it is enough to let people know that u really mean what u say.





sooooo



think before u say!!


or at least try to.. ;)

dissapointment

ive just gotten my results for the first semester. n for the moment being, im certainly not too proud of myself. *huge big sigh

i did a horrible job in my exams, both relatively or not. have no guts to tell my mum bout it yet. but damn me! sooner or later i still i hav to face it. i really hate to dissapoint my parents dis way, or in anyway possible. im just so hoping dat the dissapointment wud help me to brood over the mistakes i hav done n therefore, making me a better person. just hopefully.

but anyways i am still very relieved that i didnt fail my statistics tho. statistics. this is the subject which had the most possibilities of causing me the 'F' word. Goddd im so screwed when it comes to maths, calculations and anything in between. i wonder how people in actuarial courses cn pull it off in solving those complex figures' problems and shit. *no offense

and one more thing. it came to my suprise after knowing that most of my frens did worst in their MGMT (managing organisations and people) but guess what? i did my best in them. wtf! seriously talking, i really dunno whether to be flattered or smashed by that fact.

n right now all i can think of is how n when to break this news to my perents. dang it!